OMGEEEEEEEEE this is so funny and so perfect and so timely and SO ANNOYING and I'm laughing at everything you wrote but about to punch through my monitor as these things are happening to me in REAL TIME!!! Brilliant!!!
Haha, this is really good. One that irritates me is when people return from leave/sickness and feel it necessary to announce, quite loud, exactly how many emails they now have in their inbox (it’s usually a very high number because they are very, very important.)
1. I don’t care. I just don’t care at all.
2. The number will be misleading as 50+ of the emails will be a chain about some misplaced Tupperware.
Reminded me of how much I don’t miss the corporate world. I spent a dozen years on a 21-member board that had eight two-day meetings a year. About half the board just loved to hear themselves talk. They had little to contribute, but knew and used every biz buzzword of the day. Throw in six to ten presentations from corporate managers and staff repeating the same jargon, and all of them thought they were the first. It was comical for a while, but too much is too much.
After a few meetings like this some of us just couldn’t resist being smartasses. A friend and fellow board member made up a grid card with words and phrases like “at the end of the day “, “bottom line”, incremental change”, “scale”, “empowerment”, and on and on, in each box. He called it “Bullshit Bingo!”. Made copies and gave them to the three or four like-minds around the table. Since we all had the same card, about three hours into the meeting we all shouted “Bingo!” at the same time.
I really enjoyed that, especially as the annoying habits are so recognisable as part of office life. This isn't quite a mispronunciation but you reminded me of a guy I used to work with who would confidently say: "We have overcharged you for some apparent reason."
I’ve been sentenced to particpate in a daily “safety call” (which totally could’ve been an email), and listening to these dorks try and sound smart by cramming their reports full of jargon monoxide is more than I can take.
Just sat through the meeting for the strategic plan. Ugh. Build a plan to plan for a thing in a time that isn’t now. I just nod. Now I know I’m not alone. Loved your piece. Thank you.
As a recently retiree who was self employed for 41 years, all I can say is “thank you” for humorously validating my life choices, for if I had to live through 1 week of what you described I’d be just another murder/suicide stat.
Did you work for the same healthcare system I worked? I’ve been retired for 4 years and I pictured EACH DOUCHEBAG you described. I left just as DEI was starting because I knew what was coming. And even with THAT I had no idea how bad it would get!
Please do that article! I remember one of my patients absolutely freaking out when HR asked if him during an “investigation” if I was racist - because I used “bad language” in groups. I worked in addiction and came up old school. And “clinicians” versus street in treatment groups got chewed up and spat out. It’s a muddy end of healthcare and most have no clue. DEI has ruined my trust in healthcare because DEI has replaced quality.
On it! Just subbed. And the outcome of my patient’s chat with me was “HR is stupid / just because you’re white they don’t know that you’re black, too!” He proceeded to tell that to every level. 🤣
I am happily retired now but most of my life I worked in our family owned business. After selling it to my brother and taking some time off I went to work for one of the largest banks in the US and this article brings all of the horrors back to life. I was paid well and had Healthcare benefits but I seriously still have horrible dreams about those years. Get out while you are still sane!!!!
Darleen has reported you to HR for hate speech because you failed to understand the importance of her emotional support gerbil.
Dammit! There went my coffee. A$$hole! 🤣🤣🤣😍
🤣🤣🤣
BAHAH I almost missed this one
I had to be the collector once and it was the worst! I gave myself the finger with every ask.
Hahahaha
OMGEEEEEEEEE this is so funny and so perfect and so timely and SO ANNOYING and I'm laughing at everything you wrote but about to punch through my monitor as these things are happening to me in REAL TIME!!! Brilliant!!!
HAHAHA sorry to hear you’re deep in the corporate bowels with me!!
SOLIDARITY!!!
Haha, this is really good. One that irritates me is when people return from leave/sickness and feel it necessary to announce, quite loud, exactly how many emails they now have in their inbox (it’s usually a very high number because they are very, very important.)
1. I don’t care. I just don’t care at all.
2. The number will be misleading as 50+ of the emails will be a chain about some misplaced Tupperware.
LOL!!! SO TRUE it’s 800 Perkopolis offers.
🤣🤣
What‘s wrong with renumeration? Sometimes things have to be renumbered!
🤣🤣🤣
“The Jargonater”
Reminded me of how much I don’t miss the corporate world. I spent a dozen years on a 21-member board that had eight two-day meetings a year. About half the board just loved to hear themselves talk. They had little to contribute, but knew and used every biz buzzword of the day. Throw in six to ten presentations from corporate managers and staff repeating the same jargon, and all of them thought they were the first. It was comical for a while, but too much is too much.
After a few meetings like this some of us just couldn’t resist being smartasses. A friend and fellow board member made up a grid card with words and phrases like “at the end of the day “, “bottom line”, incremental change”, “scale”, “empowerment”, and on and on, in each box. He called it “Bullshit Bingo!”. Made copies and gave them to the three or four like-minds around the table. Since we all had the same card, about three hours into the meeting we all shouted “Bingo!” at the same time.
BAHAHA This is amazing. I have dreamed of doing this myself!!
I really enjoyed that, especially as the annoying habits are so recognisable as part of office life. This isn't quite a mispronunciation but you reminded me of a guy I used to work with who would confidently say: "We have overcharged you for some apparent reason."
LOL! I love how these idiosyncrasies stick with us
These are the things that make me glad I got made redundant.
Oh man, it's the only way out!
I’ve been sentenced to particpate in a daily “safety call” (which totally could’ve been an email), and listening to these dorks try and sound smart by cramming their reports full of jargon monoxide is more than I can take.
JARGON MONOXIDE! This wins.
Just sat through the meeting for the strategic plan. Ugh. Build a plan to plan for a thing in a time that isn’t now. I just nod. Now I know I’m not alone. Loved your piece. Thank you.
Oh yes I sit in on those meetings too. I feel your pain. Thank you for stewing in the frustration with me! x
Sooo true and spot on!
My jaw clenches every single time: “I’m going to go ahead and give you back two minutes of time today.”
LE BARF!
As a recently retiree who was self employed for 41 years, all I can say is “thank you” for humorously validating my life choices, for if I had to live through 1 week of what you described I’d be just another murder/suicide stat.
LOL! You chose the right path, indeed.
Did you work for the same healthcare system I worked? I’ve been retired for 4 years and I pictured EACH DOUCHEBAG you described. I left just as DEI was starting because I knew what was coming. And even with THAT I had no idea how bad it would get!
Oh my gosh that is a whole other article I could write. Good for you for getting out!
Please do that article! I remember one of my patients absolutely freaking out when HR asked if him during an “investigation” if I was racist - because I used “bad language” in groups. I worked in addiction and came up old school. And “clinicians” versus street in treatment groups got chewed up and spat out. It’s a muddy end of healthcare and most have no clue. DEI has ruined my trust in healthcare because DEI has replaced quality.
Believe me it’s similar in education. I wrote this one as satire, but…
https://medium.com/slackjaw/the-wokest-public-school-parent-council-has-a-very-effective-meeting-1d1deccb68dd?sk=f6426c6b6a25ebe28116afc92165b4b3
Kourtneigh - the spelling! 🤣🤣
On it! Just subbed. And the outcome of my patient’s chat with me was “HR is stupid / just because you’re white they don’t know that you’re black, too!” He proceeded to tell that to every level. 🤣
I am happily retired now but most of my life I worked in our family owned business. After selling it to my brother and taking some time off I went to work for one of the largest banks in the US and this article brings all of the horrors back to life. I was paid well and had Healthcare benefits but I seriously still have horrible dreams about those years. Get out while you are still sane!!!!
If it wasn't for the pension....
This article probably should have come with a trigger warning!
The Mispronouncer has been ever-present at my work, irregardless what role I've been in.
IRREGARDLESS! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
BAHAHAHA
This is genius! Thanks for the first laugh of the day!
Thank you so much for laughing along with me. I'm crying, but still.